Thursday, June 30, 2022


Heads up: If you don't like f-bombs, you won't like this post. Don't say I didn't warn you. 

I got a question for you: Who are you? No seriously, like WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? Not your first or last name. Not your Instagram handle. Not your nickname from high school (come on, that was like 75 years ago, stop it.) Not your job title. But, WHO are you? 

Do you ever ask yourself that question? I do. All the time. Probably too much. 

Over the years, and through many a tribulation, I've forced myself to take a long look at the man in the mirror. The truth is, I'm a lot of things, some great, some slightly less than tolerable.

I'm still figuring it all out, because you never stop figuring it out, but what I know so far: I'm an overthinker. I'm a writer. I'm a rockstar wannabe. I'm a believer in accountability and integrity. I'm sometimes selfish, always empathetic. I'm angry. I'm a perfectionist. I'm a cynical realist and a disgruntled idealist. I'm an over-judger of others and of myself. I'm a smartass. Sometimes a dumbass. I'm a husband with a lot to learn. I have a gentle soul but a quick frustration trigger. I'm a lover of animals and a hater of bullies. I'm broken, but I'm cool with that. I eat too many Chewy SweeTARTS. I'm a wandering soul with a functioning moral compass. I battle anxiety but keep fighting the good fight. I don't believe in a magic guy in the sky, but I have faith there's still more good than bad out there. I'm typically funny and often annoying. I'm not a people-person but I know how to switch on the social charm. I'm not a conspiracy theorist... 

I could go on and on about me, but in summary: I'm a decent dude with a shit ton of work to do.

That list is constantly growing, and I don't have it all nailed down, but one thing I know for sure: I'm one self-aware sumbitch. I know myself — ugly spots and beauty marks — I just don't always know what to do with that knowledge. 

So, when I ask "WHO are you?" What I really mean is what do you stand for? What drives you? What do you value? And in the words of Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, "what do you give a fuck about? Because what you give a fuck about says a lot about who you are." 

Fuck it, let's make a list.

To help me figure out what I give a fuck about I'm currently working on my "fuck-it" list. Nope, not a bucket list — those are weird and remind me that I'm going to die someday. A fuck-it list is a long list of all the shit I want to stop caring about so I can care about more important shit. 

For example. here are a few "fuck-its" that have made the cut so far:

  • What people think about me. (Spoiler alert: Most people don't think about me.)

  • What was, what isn't, what might be, and what I think should be. (In other words, trying to live in and accept the present moment.)

  • Having everything figured out before I decide to start. (Perfectionism kills.)

  • People in my life no longer in my life. (It happens.)

  • Brewers and Packers wins and losses. (Ha! Right. Good luck, me.)
Building yourself a "fuck-it" list, (alongside a gratitude list of all the great things you've got going on), will give you a good sense of what makes you, you. And you never know, a fuck-it list could be life-changing. Because when you know what doesn't matter, you make more room for what does. 

And, if nothing else, knowing more about WHO you are will give you more awesome stuff to share on your Instagram page. "Hey, here's a picture of me being me. Hope you like it! No, seriously, please like it."

So, grab a pen and make two lists. The first one: Write down what makes you, you. Yep, it's awkward and somewhat corny, but you'd be surprised what you learn when you write shit down. Be honest with yourself. There's a lot of good in there. And some not-so-good. But you're human, so whatever you write down is cool. Unless you write down that you're a serial killer. Then stop writing, stop killing people, and seek immediate professional care. You're crazy. 

And the second one is your fuck-it list. What are you tired of worrying about? What do you want to stop caring about? Fill up that fuck-it bucket and feel the weight lift. Ahh, freedom. 

If you're feeling extra introspective, make yourself a gratitude list too. Jot down all the great things you're thankful for — and I'm talking all the things. From your family, your dog, your house, your new lawn mower, all the way down to the little things you take for granted — like the fact that I can get to Kwik Trip in less than three minutes and have a delicious Fountain Dew in my hands whenever I want one. 'Merica.  

It'll feel weird at first. Taking time to check yourself can be uncomfortable. But it works, at any age. And it doesn't cost a dime. Now go away, you've got homework to do. Let me know how it goes. I'm curious to see if there are any "fuck-it" trends. 

Also - if you need some help making your lists, I highly recommend this book by Mark Manson. (That's him in the pic. He's got way more hair than me.)