Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Shoulding myself

I should myself way too much. It's a problem I've had looked at. It's getting better, but it still happens more often than it should — @&%! there it is again.

I'm constantly telling myself that I should be married, I should have kids, I should be more successful, I should have been a rock star by now, I should have more hair, I should not have had those last seven beers.

Who says?!

That's not how life works. There are no guarantees, no set of rules that say who should have what by when or what should or shouldn't be. Things are what they are. Sure, a series of choices and events, good and bad, some in my control, some not, have led me where I'm sitting right now — but there's really no "should" about it. It just "is." Make sense? I'm confused too. But I know what I mean.

It's the whole "live in the now" concept. We are where we are because we are. We can't go back, can't go forward, all we have is right this very minute. That is some deep shit I know, but if you think about it, it's actually pretty liberating. No worries, no fears, no whys or why nots — just right now. Roll around in that for a while. Feels good doesn't it?

The word "should" comes with a shitload of regret and pressure. I don't like regret and pressure. Makes my head hurt.  

I'm working hard to stop shoulding myself so often and am doing everything in my power to live in the moment. You should too — if you want — no pressure.

Think about it. I know I will. That's what I do.

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