Saturday, May 17, 2014

The purpose and power of a smartass.

I’ve been thinking about cranking up my level of smartass a little bit more.

That’s kind of a big deal for a guy who’s already annoyingly sarcastic more often than not. But trust me, I can do better. I have full confidence in myself.

I find that when dealing with certain people and situations, a smack of sarcasm and a whiff of wisecrack help me cope with life much more efficiently.

Yes, of course I know how to be serious when serious is called for. But too much of that even-keeled, straightforward shit and the life gets drained right out of me. So I guess if you get right down to it, being a smartass is critical to my survival.

It’s not always about being a dick. There’s a difference between a smartass and an asshole. At least I think so.

An asshole is just an asshole. And most assholes don’t know even why they’re being an asshole. They just are.

But a smartass has a specific purpose for who they are and what they do.

To me, being a smartass is about having a sense of humor and doing whatever I can to make sure I don’t let life get too heavy. Because life is too short to get too heavy.

It’s about trying to find a way to stay grounded in a world that seems to be constantly thinking of new ways to knock you off your feet.

It’s about making sure that, with a slightly subtle yet very deliberate intent, the target of my satire knows exactly where I’m coming from and exactly how I feel.

And yes, sometimes it is just about being a dick.

By bringing a little smartass to the table I’m able to diffuse some of the frustration bubbling up on the inside. It might get me in trouble on occasion or get me blacklisted as a cocky instigator. But I don’t think I care — because it helps me feel in control, even when I know I’m not. And that feeling alone is worth every shit list I’m on.

You’re damn right it’s a defense mechanism. I know that. I don’t need any armchair psychoanalysts to help me figure that one out. But it’s a therapeutic defense mechanism — that works. At least for me.

And it can work for you too if you just give it a try. Next time, instead of getting pissed, get sarcastic. When it gets too heavy, lighten the load with a cocky remark. Instead of standing there and letting life punch you in the mouth, punch back with a couple smarmy jabs of your own. And rather than letting somebody else think they got the best of you, be the better person by being the best smartass you can be. It feels really good.

I hope you’ll join me in this good fight. Because the world needs more of us.
Carry on my smart-mouthed little friends, carry on.



  1. Being a smartass has defused many situations that could have led to disaster. I guess when it comes right down to it, I am a professional smartass.

  2. Being a smartass is an art... and when called for I can go Sistine Chapel on a mofo. -Murph