Don’t get me wrong, I like me, but even I get sick of me after awhile. A guy who thinks so much shouldn’t spend so much time alone. It’s not healthy.
I’ve always been kind of a loner, even when I wasn’t alone. Since my days as an awkward kid, there has always been a part of me that just felt better off on my own. Not sure what that’s all about. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism. Maybe it’s a trust thing. Maybe it's just easier that way. Or, maybe it’s because people annoy the shit out of me. Not everybody, but a lot of them. I have tolerance issues.
It doesn’t take a highly trained shrink to see that this approach doesn’t make for too many happy relationships.
There’s one relationship in particular that I still think about, maybe more than I should. She was outstanding. She was good to me, she “got” me, she was hot. But I did what I do and over-analyzed every part of that relationship, from every angle. And then she went away. That’s what they eventually do. Found somebody that actually acted like he wanted to be with her. Weird.
That was a long time ago. But there have been many others just like her over the years. I have quite the resume.
I guess I got my wish to be alone, because here I am. Don’t feel sorry for me — just don’t be like me. If you find someone good, appreciate what you have and do what you can to make it work, because you never know if you’ll get another chance.
As for me, I’ll take what I’ve learned and keep looking. You never know what’s around the corner. In the meantime, I’ll keep hanging out with me and try to tolerate myself a little bit longer — and hope I get another chance to tolerate someone else someday.
Next post won't be so sentimental.
Jason, this is excellent. I can relate to this all too well. After a bad break up years, ago I pissed away quite a few chances at (what might have been)good relationships with a few great ladies. One of which recently got married (doh!)I think the reason I tanked all of them was because of a nasty 4 letter word.. FEAR. I get to a point in a relationship that I just can't get past because I feel vulnerable. Then, when I realize how much of an idiot I'm being, it's too late. If I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone special again, I need to find a way to squash this nasty 4 letter word...ReplyDelete
PS Most people annoy the shit out of me too! Haa.
Thanks for the comments Vince. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this "condition." And thanks for following the blog. I hope you can keep finding some value in it. I hope it helps quiet other noisy brains out there - or at least lets them know they're not alone!ReplyDelete
Keep up the good fight man. We're good guys, things will work out eventually - or not. Even if they don't, we'll still be good guys!